Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Lost and Broken


I'm taking a break from my blog, and from all social media actually - except facebook, I do need to know what is happening in the world.

I'm afraid that life without antidepressants is not treating me well and I feel, as my title suggests, lost and broken. I am on the verge of tears most days. I am having a major binge eating relapse. I'm not exercising as often or as intensely as I would like - and that is making me feel like a fraud. And I really don't need to put myself out there for scrutiny right now. I'm feeling so stressed and busy, and wish I could just go somewhere to get away from everything and recharge, but alas I can't, so something has got to give.

I started out with grand plans of having a healthy living, food and exercise, style blog, then it turned more into a journal. And lately, the only topic I have to blog about is my mental health and I just don't want to be the 'negative nancy'.

So farewell for now my friends.

I'll be back when I'm feeling better and can blog about the things I want to blog about.

Thanks for following :)

Monday, March 11, 2013


Yep, thats what I've been since Thursday.
I should know better than to go near people who I know are sick. I do, after all, have possibly the worlds worst immune system. But it was my Mum, and I can't stay away from her when she is sick, I have to make sure she is OK. Unfortunately, she had some kind of 24hr-ish tummy bug, which my body took, and added an extra several days to. I literally only stopped shitting because last night I went and got some anti-shit drugs off my Mum in Law at 8.30pm. If I didn't take them, I'd probably still be going. Yuck.

Anyway, that's not really the reason for me being away for so long. I once again hit a pretty low point with my depression. Which makes sense because this is about the same time that it took to go slightly mental after I went off my drugs last time. I'm slowly pulling myself out of it, but Ben had to make me get out of bed and go to work last week (before the shitting hit, I was not going to work with contagious poo germs), and yesterday my Mum cuddled and cried along with me as I shrieked for a ridiculous amount of time about everything that is getting me down. A good cry really does help, as will acupuncture on Thursday. I think it has been too long between appointments, I was seeing how far I could go in between them - clearly not 3 weeks.

Right, now that I have got all of that out of the way.

I left you hanging with news of an impending fun run.
It was pink, it was friggin hot, but it was awesome fun.

My last two race numbers have ended in 13, freaky!?

And, it was slightly faster than my last 5km - 31:39.
And I came 345th out of 1521.
But, me being me, I can't help being slightly disappointed. Last time I did this particular race, it was my first ever fun run, and I did it about 4 minutes faster. 
The difference between then and now, hmmmm, about 15kg, and a lot of training.
I know I'll get my fitness back eventually, maybe it is hiding somewhere with my mental health!?

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Fun run?

So yeah, I ran in a fun run back on the 17th of February.
If I'm honest, it wasn't spectacular - not really a 'fun' run, which is part of the reason I hadn't mentioned it until now. (the other reason being - I have just been so freakin busy)

I started the race thirsty - never a good plan to run dehydrated.
My legs felt heavy.
It was hot.
And I couldn't keep up with my running buddy - Ben, who hadn't run for pretty much a year, but being a boy it was easy for him.

I was so annoyed, it took me 32:37 to run 5km.
It used to be so easy (and so much quicker) when I had 16 less kilograms on my frame.
Every time anyone asked me over the next week how I went, my answer was - SHIT.

But you know what, I finished the race, and I ran all the way - I didn't stop to walk once.
And when I looked at the stats, they were actually much better than the lunchtime runs I have been doing:

I had been averaging around 6:20 per km previously.

Since this race, I have been running more, and getting better at it.
So I feel much better about my running self now.

And you know when my next fun run is?


I can't wait :)

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Sweaty Sunday

Happy weekend end.
After a weekend full of moving my body, I must admit I'm not hugely excited about going back to sitting for 8 hours a day tomorrow. Oh well, gotta pay the bills.
I thought it was about time I did a food and exercise post, it has been way too long.
So, here's what I ate/did today:


I'm calling this my 'tummy tonic', lemon juice and maple syrup in water.


Woo hoo, finally found Coconut Yoghurt in Hobart!

With Frozen Raspberries, Oat Bran and Chia.

Meatfest 2013 (I think I'm nearly done with meat again).
Oat Bread with Homemade Hommus, Turkey on one, Ham on the other, and Roasted Sweet Potato.

Arvo Snack:
A piece of Raw Lemon Slice.
I made it when it was really hot yesterday and the oil from the Lemon Zest and Cashews came to the top :(
Still tastes delicious though.

 Post gym recovery:
A new to me Amino Acid Blend.
Its pretty good, but very, very sweet.

More meat.....
Slow cooked Smokey BBQ Chicken with Zucchini, Sweet Potato and Corn Cous Cous, served on a bed of Baby Spinach with a spoonful of Greek Yoghurt.

You may have noticed that I ate a few things today that would normally upset my stomach - Chick Peas and Greek Yoghurt. I am testing out my stomach, which seems to be improving, and so far I think I got away with it.

I also did a fair bit of Food Prep yesterday and today:
Homemade Hommus

Gluten Free Choc Chip Cookies

Raw Peanut Slice with Cashew Maple Vanilla Frosting.

And the Lemon Slice pictured above.

Workouts today were:

A morning walk with Ben - 49mins
Walking from Emma's house to the gym for an arm workout, then back again - 1hr 36mins
An evening walk with Ben - 37mins

All in 33 degree heat!

So there you have it, that was Sunday :)

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Sydney V2.0

Last week, I was in Sydney for the second time ever. 
It was going to be my first time, but I got to go for work in November.
It was part holiday, party nanny gig (for my sister while she attended a conference).
I'll let my pictures do most of the talking.
At Hobart Airport waiting to leave.

At Sydney airport, about to jump on a double decker train.

At our first hotel. Not the best I've ever stayed at if I'm honest.

We had the most amazing gelato store right near our hotel with lots of dairy free options. This one was raspberry and chocolate.

Our hotel didn't advertise a gym, but it had one, score.
However it only had 3 pieces of equipment and the tready had bird shit on it....

First full day - shopping at Westfield Chatswood.

Awww puppy. 
In the shopping centre pet store.

Wang's massage..........

Dinner on our second night was Italian. 
Prosecco is delicious.

So was the meal.
I didn't eat the bread.
I did however eat the chicken. 
With my very limited diet at the moment I am struggling to get enough protein and whilst I feel guilty about eating meat, it doesn't make me physically sick.

Second night gelato - Lemon and Passionfruit.

Breakfast most days was grapes or a kiwi and a banana sandwich on GF bread.

Happy baby.
She wasn't always such a happy camper, damn molers she is growing.

This was a bit of a novelty.

Third day, walking to Chatswood. 
Didn't stay long, someone wasn't happy.

She was later on however.

I went in this pool on the first day.
I spent about 20mins cleaning it, got in, tried to do a lap and it took my breath away it was so cold, so I got out again.
On the last day, there was a dead bird floating in the pool all day, even over an hour after I alerted them to the fact.
Hope I didn't catch anything....

Catching the train to the city. Wooo hooooo.
Nanny duties were officially over.

Sheraton Four Points on Darling Harbour.
Much better.

Nice shower.

The rest of the bathroom.

Our room didn't face the harbour, but who cares when you can just go outside and walk around it.

Busy little place.

Headband was required after not having a hairdryer for 3 days.

We kinda missed the Saturday night fireworks, we were having dinner round the corner a bit

Sunday morning walk in an iconic location.

This juice was called weightloss juice and I know why.
It's so horrible you can't drink it and therefore don't consume the calories.

I consumed all the calories in this GF brownie though!

Pyrmont Bridge

Breafkast at Pyrama.

With Laura, who I met for the first time in real life.
She is a legendary chick.
You should read her blog if you don't already.

These photos were outside Zumbo.

Mad Mex obsession.

Pretty new shoes.

It's about time I got some Nike Frees.

I thought this was really cool.

Nice straight hair, after getting access to a hairdryer.

Cheeky grin.

Is it an eye, lips, or just a plate?

More prosecco, this one wasn't as good as the first.

My bed buddy.

Because obviously my wallet needed a nappy.

What I thought were dragons, I have since been told they were Lions.
Whatever they were, they were cool.

This dude was cool too!

Final meal in Sydney.
I must admit, pulled pork tastes pretty amazing.

Back at home, at mum's for a Zumbaron tasting.

Sadly they don't travel well.

But they tasted amazing.
This one was carrot cake.
P.S. Why the fuck did I eat icecream? Ouch.

Sydney was crazy, busy, awesome and beautiful. 
I can't wait to go back again.